Why I’m Filling My House With Artificial Plants (And Succulents)
There was a presence in the house
There was a presence in the house. Their face covered with shadows, leaving a sense of foreboding and doom in their wake. This presence followed me, endlessly, from room to room.
After a while, the presence began to moan and then one day, it sighed. I turned sharply.
“What? What’s the matter?”
“They wouldn’t die if only you would water them,” said Death.
“Oh for f — is that why you’re here?” I asked. “Because I forget to water the plants?”
“You kill them.”
“I don’t mean to. I don’t buy them with the intent of killing them. I’m not a bad person. I try to not be a bad person,” I corrected myself. There was a short pause as I eyed Death. The heavy presence always at my shoulder, visible only on the periphery. “Is that why you’re here? Don’t you have more important things to be doing?”
If Death could raise an eyebrow, I believe he did at this particular moment.
“All life is important,” he told me. “Plants are no less important than the dog you remember to feed multiple times a day. Whose water bowl is always topped up.”
He had me there. There was no response, no excuse, so I blew out my cheeks as I searched for a witty comeback or believable excuse. None were forthcoming and so the air squeezed out of my lips in a squeaky whistle.
“Okay.” I threw my hands up in defeat. “Fine. I’m sorry. I honestly don’t mean to kill them. I like having plants in the house. Live plants,” I added for clarity. “How about this. How about I don’t buy any more living plants except for the succulents, which seem perfectly capable of surviving despite me.”
Death gave a slight tilt of his head which I took as a sign to continue.
“Instead, I will buy artificial plants. I’ll get the look I want and you can go about your business elsewhere.”
Death exhaled, if he can do such a thing, and his shoulders dropped.
“Thank you,” he said. “I am incredibly busy and I know the local plants will also thank you.”
That was a bit hurtful but sometimes the truth does hurt so I took it on the chin. In the time it took to recover, the shadows parted and the presence lifted.
I may have given the nearest succulent a look before turning on my laptop to fulfil my promise with a spot of online shopping.
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